I Saw A Cattle!!

I think I saw a cattle once,
That thing I’m supposed to herd.
It was stalking in a grassy field,
Intent upon a bird.
I herd that cattle to the fence,
And up into a tree.
Where that cattle spit and hissed,
And waved her claws at me.
I’m sure I’ve seen a cattle now,
The thing they call a cow.
But if they get canned milk from her,
I’m sure I don’t know how!!
Author unknown
 

New Puppy

Don’t smell crotches, don’t eat plants.
Don’t steal food or underpants.
Don’t eat my socks, don’t grab my hair…
DON’T RIP THE STUFFING FROM THAT CHAIR!
Don’t eat those peas!  Don’t touch that bush!
Don’t chew my shoes….What IS that mush?
Eat your cookie, drink your drink.
Outta the toilet!  Outta the sink!!
AWAY FROM THE CAT BOX, IT’S FOR THE CAT!!
(And MUST you kiss me?  After that???)
Yes, raising a puppy is not for the lazy!
Though puppies are funny, they’re also quite crazy.
But don’t despair, though its toil and strife.
After 3 years, you’ll get back your life!
So, let’s go for “walkies”, you can “do your thing”,
(and perhaps I’ll get back my GOOD
DIAMOND RING!)
Author unknown

The Dog Breeders Husband

I am just a dog breeders husband, I no longer rule my domain
Even if kindly invited, my opinions I wisely refrain
I am just a glorified kennel boy, of minor importance I know
It seems that my primary job here, is just providing the dough.
Now dog breeding is very expensive, as I know you are all so aware.
But money is less of a problem, than the hustle, the wear and the tear.
Having studied the layback of shoulder, and become an expert on feet,
I still haven’t learned to give worm pills or how much a puppy should eat.
My spouse will spend hours grooming, her intermediate bitch,
But if my back needs a good scratching, her thought is to let the thing itch.
Often in a crowded motel room, after the dog show is over,
Someone queries the judges decision, why did he pick tired old Rover?
It appears that his eyesight if failing, his errors on judgement immense
And if you didn’t know better, you doubt he’d be blessed with good sense.
One finds that amateurs bungling, is no match for professional skill.
A handler hides what an owner admits, as he tries his conscience to still.
Sometime late in the evening, I am asked if I do not agree
That Harry’s Backbreakers Bridget, is somewhat out at the knee?
Before I can answer the question, I find my answers ignored.
For some inexplicable reason, my tormentor is suddenly bored.
I am only a dog breeders husband, not that I mean to complain
But I find certain aspects amazing, when my role I aspire to explain.
I know at least where I’m going, I’m rapidly going to seed
And I know all about challenge bitches, I married the Best of the Breed!!!

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