The Twelve Treats of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, my hoomins gave
to me an apple from under the tree...
On the second day of Christmas, my hoodlims
gave to me ... two rubber kongs, and an apple from under the tree.
On the third day of Christmas my hoomis gave
to me ... three squeaking woobies, tow rubber kongs, and an apple from
under the tree.
On the 4th day of Christmas my hoomins ...
four rawhide chews. three squeeking woobies, two rubber kongs, and an apple
from under the tree.
On the 5th day of Christmas my hoomins gave
to me ... five tennis balls. four raw hide chews, three squeeking woobies,
two rubber kongs, and an apple from under the tree.
On theeeee sixth day of Christmas my hoomins
gave to me ... six twisty rope tugs, five tennis balls. four raw hide chews,
three squeeking woobies, two rubber kongs, and an apple from under the
tree.
On the 7th day of Christmas my hoomins gave
to me ... seven buster cubes ,six twisty rope tugs, five tennis balls.
four raw hide chews, three squeeking woobies, two rubber kongs, and an
apple from under the tree.
On the 8th day of Christmas my hoomins gave
to me... eight flying Frisbees, seven buster cubes ,six twisty rope tugs,
five tennis balls. four raw hide chews, three squeeking woobies, two rubber
kongs, and an apple from under the tree.
On the 9th day of Christmas my hoomins gave
to me ... nine nylabones, eight flying Frisbees, seven buster cubes ,six
twisty rope tugs, five tennis balls. four raw hide chews, three squeeking
woobies, two rubber kongs, and an apple from under the tree.
On the 10th day of Christmas my hoomins gave
to me ... ten cow hoofies, nine nylabones, eight flying Frisbees, seven
buster cubes ,six twisty rope tugs, five tennis balls. four raw hide chews,
three squeeking woobies, two rubber kongs, and an apple from under the
tree.
On the 11th day of Christmas my hoomins gave
to me... eleven flexi-leashes, ten cow hoofies, nine nylabones, eight flying
Frisbees, seven buster cubes ,six twisty rope tugs, five tennis balls.
four raw hide chews, three squeeking woobies, two rubber kongs, and an
apple from under the tree.
On the 12th day of Christmas my hoomins gave
to me ... twelve obedience lessons, eleven flexi-leashes, ten cow hoofies,
nine nylabones, eight flying Frisbees, seven buster cubes ,six twisty rope
tugs, five tennis balls. four raw hide chews, three squeeking woobies,
two rubber kongs, and an apple from under the tree.
Fill the Bowls
(to the tune of "Deck the Halls")
Fill our bowls with freeze-dried liver,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Watch our noses start to quiver,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Please add bits of cheese and bacon,
Fa-la-la, Fa-la-la, la-la-la!
Happy wags our tails are makin',
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Sniff the gifts and shred the wrapping,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
'Round the Christmas tree go FRAPping*
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Swipe a slurp of grandma's eggnog
Fa-la-la, Fa-la-la, la-la-la!
Then relax and be a bedhog
Fa-la-la, Fa-la-la, la-la-la!
(*FRAP = FRenzied Activity Period)
Bark the Christmas Puppy Sings
(to the tune of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing")
"Bark!" the Christmas puppy sings,
Chewing now on Dad's shoestrings.
Running here and running there,
Ripped a hole in Mom's new chair!
Grumpily our hoomins rise, wipe the sleep
out of their eyes...
Pup wants "out" at 3 a.m., then at 6 he's
up again!
Gosh, we wish that he'd grow up!
Why did they want a Christmas pup?
Blazey the Red-Haired Golden
(to the tune of "Rudolph...")
Blazey the red-haired Golden had a very rusty
coat.
and he was sort of pudgy, made the yellow
Goldens gloat.
All of the blondie Goldens used to laugh and
call him names
They never let poor Blazey join in any Frisbee
games.
Then one stormy Christmas Eve, Santa Paws
did say:
"Blazey with your fur so red, won't you help
me guide my sled"
Then how the Goldens loved him, and they "Roo-Roo'd"
out with glee:
"Blazey the red-haired Golden, you deserve
a CGC!"
I'm Gettin' Nothin' for Christmas
(to the tune of the hoomin song by the same name)
I chewed big holes in Daddy's socks, somebody
snitched on me.
I never heel while on my walks, somebody snitched
on me.
I brought my mom a big old bug, then I messed
up on the rug,
Look at all the holes I dug! Somebody snitched
on me!
Soooo...... I'm gettin' nothin' for Christmas!
Mommy and Daddy are mad!
I'm gettin' nothin' for Christmas!
'Cause I ain't been nothin' but bad!
Tennis Balls
(to the tune of "Silver Bells")
Flying Frisbees, kongs and rope tugs
All are wonderful toys
And they all give me hours of pleasure
But there's one more that I adore
- They're my most special prize,
If I lost them I'd probably die...
Tennis balls, Tennis balls!
Throw them so I can go fetch 'em!
Tennis balls, Tennis balls!
Come on let's go out and play!
Kill the Birds
(to the tune of "Silver Bells")
Birds are winging, chirping, singing.
What a terrible din!
How I hate all this avian nuisance!
Jays and grackles raise my hackles.
Here they come back again!
So I lift up my foreleg and plead:
"Kill the birds, kill the birds!
Can't you see? There, where I'm pointing!
There they are - open fire!
We'll bag our limit this year."
Quails and pheasants hide their presence
where there's no one about.
I can almost pretend they're extincted.
But the sparrows raise my hair so,
right in MyMy back Out!
Hiding up where a doggy can't reach.
"Kill the birds, kill the birds!"
this German Shorthair is begging.
"Blast them all, large and small.
We'll have a grand Kissmoose day!"
Winter Wonderland
(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")
Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?
In the lane snow is glistenin'.
It's yellow, not white - I've been there tonight,
marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants:
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow Dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
so all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fencepost,
flows my natural incense boast:
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of
earth.
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
Go to more poems