The Day Before Christmas

 'Tis the day before Christmas, and all through the house
 The puppies are squeaking an old rubber mouse
 The wreath which had merrily hung on the door
 Is scattered in pieces all over the floor.
 The stockings that hung in a neat little row
 .Now boast a hole in each one of the toes.
 The tree was subjected to bright-eyed whims,
 And now, although splendid, it's missing some limbs
 The tree was subjected to bright-eyed whims,
 And now, although splendid, it's missing some limbs.
 

 I catch them and hold them, be good I insist.
 They lick me, then run off to see what they've missed.
 And now as I watch them, the thought comes to me,
 That theirs is the spirit that Christmas should be.
 

 Should Children and Puppies yet show us the way,
 And teach us the joy that should come with this day?
 Could they bring the message that's written above,
 And tell us that, most of all, Christmas is love!
 

 Author unknown

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

                     My support hose were hung
                     By the chimney with care.
                     (I hung them last Christmas
                     And just left them there.)
 

                     My dog, Floyd, was nestled
                     All snug in his bed,
                     After watching the cat rip
                     The presents to shreds.
 

                     And I in my long johns
                     And ratty night cap
                     Had just settled my butt
                     For a long winter's nap.
 

                     When out on the lawn
                     There arose such a clatter,
                     I swore at the window,
                     "What the (blank) is the matter?"
 

                     I tore open the window,
                     Not a second to tarry,
                     All ready to throw
                     The noisemaker a berry.
 

                     A bright moon was lighting
                     The new-fallen snow...
                     And I had a moon of my own
                     Set to show.
 

                     Floyd was beside me,
                     Paw pointing the way
                     Toward eight tiny reindeer
                     Hitched up to a sleigh...
 

                     And a little old driver
                     So cheery and quick,
                     I thought for a moment
                     That I would be sick.
 

                     Like a bat out of...you know,
                     His reindeer they came,
                     And I whistled and shouted
                     And called them some names--
 

                     "Hey, Hornhead! Hey, Furface!
                     Hey, Weiner and Turkey!
                     Yo, Klutzy and Mangy
                     And Venison  Jerky!
 

                     Stay off  of my porch!
                     Get away from my wall!
                     Now hit the road, hit the road,
                     Hit the road, all!
 

                     But as pedestrians before
                     My old Buick , they fly
                     And head for high ground
                     With great fear in their eyes,
 

                     So up to my rooftop
                     The fleabags they flew,
                     With a sleigh full of toys
                     And old Fruitcake-breath too.
 

                     And then, in a twinkling,
                     I heard on the roof
                     Holes in my new shingles
                     Made by each tiny hoof.
 

                     As I reached for my slingshot
                     And a marble as well,
                     Down the chimney St. Nicholas
                     Tumbled and fell.
 

                     He had a huge sack of
                     Cheap junk on his back
                     And I whispered to Floyd,
                     "Be prepared to attack."
 

                     His eyes they were squinting,
                     His toy bag was draggin',
                     And I felt for a moment
                     Like I'd soon be gaggin'.
 

                     He was dressed all in red.
                     With a bell on his hat.
                     And a belt of black leather
                     To hold back the fat.
 

                     A billowing pipe
                     He clenched tight in his smile,
                     And the smell was like something
                     Had been dead for awhile.
 

                     He had a broad face
                     And a little round belly
                     That shook when I nailed him
                     With a handful of jelly.
 

                     He was chubby and plump,
                     Well, actually porky,
                     And I laughed when I tripped him
                     (He looked pretty dorky).
 

                     He was like a beached whale
                     Unable to budge.
                     And he tasted good , too,
                     If the dog was a judge.
 

                     I spoke not a word
                     But went straight to my work--
                     A noogie, a wedgie,
                     A cry of "You jerk!"
 

                     Until laying a finger
                     Aside of his nose,
                     With a loud cry of "Uncle!"
                     Up the chimney he rose.
 

                     He sprang to the sleigh
                     And dragged in the toys,
                     Then he cried to the reindeer,
                     "Get me out of here, Boys!"
 

                     And I had to exclaim
                     As a slushball I tossed,
                     "Happy Christmas to all,
                     And to all a Get Lost!"
 

                     But then, as I turned,
                     I saw 'neath the tree
                     Two gaily wrapped presents--
                     One for Floyd, one for me.
 

                     A big bag of jerky
                     Turned Floyd mighty chipper,
                     While for me was a pair
                     Of brand-new bunny slippers.
 

                     I looked out the window,
                     And hovering there,
                     Old Santa was winking
                     From his sleigh in midair...
 

                     "Merry Christmas, Maxine!"
                     He cried, full of cheer,
                     "Same to you, Pal!" I answered,
                     ("I'll get you next year!")
 

                             THE END