We love our puppy customers -
They're our #1 bread and butter,
Especially right now at Christmas time
With their MasterCards all a-flutter.
Oh sure, they've heard about puppymills -
They don't live in a cave.
The tree-huggers dreamed THAT whole thing up.
They're really quite depraved!
All OUR pups came from "Local Breeders".
These signs around TELL you so;
We paint 'em up and hang 'em high
'Cause we want you to know!
We don't put a price on honesty,
But this pup will cost eight hundred dollars.
You don't think that we make the big bucks
Selling fish food and martingale collars !
But back to our Christmas Greeting
And why we wish you all Good Cheer;
You see, you are $pecial folks to us
At this festive time of year.
We love you because you're lazy,
Though very well-connected.
You just won't take the time to find
A breeder who's respected.
You so rarely do your homework.
(Santa, send us MORE trusting fellas
With no time to learn about Legg Perthes
Or Luxating Patellas !)
Zoonotic's not a word you learned
Playing Scrabble or at school ?
Color Mutant Alopecia ? Duh !
We LOVE it, man, you're COOL !!!
Cryptorchids must be flowers from Hawaii you say ?
We will sure not tell you better.
And you don't need to know Brucellosis, my friend,
Unless, of course, you get 'er !!!
You think that CERF-ing's what cool dudes do
Somewhere out in California ?
And OFA's just another old workplace law ?
We're sure not going to warn you !
But should we stumble upon someone
Who IS savvy in any way,
We'll just start extolling the wonderful work
Of the grand ole USDA !!!
We love you 'cause you just don't care -
You buy it because you want it.
You can lay your cash on OUR counter, ma'am,
If you've got it, you OUGHT to flaunt it !!!
We love the things you DON'T ask !!!
It makes our job so easy.
If you saw the sights behind the scene
You'd probably get quite queasy.
You'll never see the breeding dogs
Who suffer on the wire,
Or pups die of hyper-thermia
When their truck gets a flat tire.
We'll keep you from our back room, too,
And put a padlock on the freezer.
Those tiny puppies stiff and cold
Would not be a crowd pleaser.
We hope you have a vet you like -
That pup's probably gonna need him.
Ivomec wears off in thirty days -
That's how long we've guaranteed him !!!
Who cares when you get that blue slip home
And find out that it wasn't true.
Your Local Breeder's way out in Kansas ?
HO! HO! HO! That joke's on you !!!
So come and see us, one and all -
Join in our Christmas Cheer !
We've strung the tinsel all around.
If we could, we'd serve you beer !
We've got the carols playing
And a Santa, for good reason;
We're all scrubbed up and lookin' good
So you'll make our Christmas season.
As you walk away with your new pup
We'll shed a happy Christmas tear.
Don't change ONE THING about yourself-
Just DO come back next year !!!
(ching, ching)
Shannon McClure
He was salvaged in a mill raid -
The worst we've had around.
God bless the brave and fearless arms
That swept him off that ground.
And bless the one who nursed him
Through weeks of touch and go.
Hers were the first kind, gentle hands
He ever got to know.
A hopeful family took him then,
But he couldn't pass that test.
They finally chose to send him back
'Cause he was too depressed.
They thought he wasn't happy there -
He never wagged at all,
Kept huddled to himself and wouldn't
Run and chase the ball.
It was just too much for Danny -
Wild confusion filled his head.
It was all he'd ever hoped for being
Warm and dry and fed.
A year'd gone by, the worst long past,
When he came to share my place.
He was such a pretty, pretty boy,
But, oh, that sad, sad face.
I'd LIKE to think there is a Bridge
Where they play and feel no fear,
But all I really know for sure
Is what we've got right here.
So we tossed the clock and calendar,
The schedule and training books -
Even passed like strangers in the hall
Trying not to exchange looks.
One day when I got home from work
He danced around the door,
But when I bent to touch him,
He fled just like before.
In his mind's eye he'd rushed back there,
Where the world was a cruel place,
And hands that reached out meant to hurt,
So, we'll move at Danny's pace.
He still may hide in corners,
Or jump at sudden noise,
But only just this week he learned
That he can play with toys.
Lately I've caught him watching me.
What is he thinking of ?
Those beatings, finding snow to drink,
Or just the cold, grey sky above ?
If he could, I think he'd tell me -
We would sit and talk awhile,
And maybe put those ghosts aside
And make each other smile.
Last night he jumped up on my bed
After the lights went dim,
And slept a few feet from me till
The sun came up again.
He gives me peeks into his heart
Without play-bows or licks.
He knows I don't need him to prove
That I can teach dogs tricks.
I don't believe he'll always feel
He needs to run and hide,
But Danny sets his own pace now,
Cause time is on HIS side.
A day, a week, another year ?
(Or three or five or ten !)
I do not care how long it takes
Till Danny feels he's safe again.
I cannot help what came before,
Nor force a future bright.
But Danny Boy is here to stay.
I love you, son - Good night !
Shannon McClure