*I will not eat the cats' food, before
or after they eat it.
* Even though I'm a springer, I will not spring
through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter
how good it smells.
* The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse,
inedible.
* I will stop trying to find the few remaining
pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
* I will not throw up in the car.
* I *will* scootch my bottom along the grass
to rid myself of hangers-on.
* I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
crabs, etc.
* "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
* I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit
them in the backyard after processing.
* I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my
cold, wet nose on her bottom end.
* I will not chew my human's toothbrush and
not tell them.
* I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially
not the red ones, or my
people will think I am hemorrhaging.
* When in the car, I will not insist on having
the window rolled down
when it's raining outside.
* I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the
underwear of someone who is
sitting on the toilet.
* We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark
each time I hear one on TV.
* I will not bite my Daddy in the ass when
he turns away just after
scolding me.
* I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance
all over the back yard with it.
* The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are
Mom & Dad's laps.
* My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
* I will not bite the officer's hand when he
reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
* I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear
when he's on the toilet.
* I do not need to suddenly stand straight
up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
* I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
* The garbage collector is NOT stealing our
stuff.
* I must shake the rainwater out of my fur
BEFORE entering the house.
