This virus is no joke. It is progressive and dangerous. It will begin with one cute puppy...usually for companionship.

You will not realize that you have been infected even when you begin trying to convince your family that foraging for food is more rewarding than buying groceries.

You may not recognize the symptoms, even when 90% of snail mail consists of pet catalogs and show entries, and "sick days" have all been used to visit every dog show within 600 miles.

By the time the virus has taken firm hold, you will have reduced your yard to a safe area that can be enjoyed by your dogs. You will be trying to sell the kids' swing set to pay for the latest dog toy.

Your computer will threaten to crash because of the huge amounts of dog web sites, nutrition sites, programs, breed lists, rescue lists, advice lists, dog images, and canine health .html bookmarks that have filled all available space. You will "borrow" from your child's college fund to add more memory.

This virus will take over every room of your house in the form of flyers, catalogs, premium lists, dog toys, dog beds, crates, dog food, and dog treats.

You will begin to avoid anyone who doesn't have a dog and try to convert anyone who doesn't know your breed.

Your family will not recognize you unless you're covered with dog hair.

You will seriously consider a second mortgage to take advantage of dog toy sales, or, even worse, dog show entries.

Depression will set in immediately after the last dog show of the season. Your own dog will worry about you.

There is no cure. But, thankfully, there are groups where you can talk to others that have been infected and who will understand you.

With luck they'll also know of a really good sale on dog food and supplements.

Dogaholics Anonymous

Good Afternoon. I AM a dogaholic. I would like to welcome all of you to this month's meeting of "Dogaholics Anonymous." Some of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you here. You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and that you really don't need any help. It is not easy to admit that you are a dogaholic, and it is even harder to bring yourself to a DA meeting for help.

DA is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask. If you answer YES to more than three of the following, you have come to the right place:

Can you say "Bitch" in public without blushing?
Do you drive a station wagon, van or 4x4 when everyone else drives a real car?
Do you have more than one car? One for you and one for the dogs?
Do you spend your vacations and holidays going to shows, specialties and seminars when everyone else goes on a cruise?
If you do go overseas, is it to London in March to attend Crufts? (or Finland in June to attend the World Dog Show?)
Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?
Do you consider formal wear to be clean jeans and freshly washed tennis shoes?
Is your interior decorator R.C. Steele?
Was your furniture and carpeting chosen to match your dogs?
Are your end tables really dog crates with tablecloths thrown over them?
Do you know the meaning of CD, CDX, UD, CGC, HIT, WC, JH, MH, CH, BIS, AD, AX, TD, TDX and OTCH?
Is your mail primarily dog catalogs, dog magazines, and premium lists?
Do you get up before dawn to go to Training Classes, Dog Shows, Seminars? (but have trouble getting up for "work?")
If you do have dresses, do they all have pockets?
Do those pockets often contain freeze dried liver, Rollover or squeaky toys?
When you meet a new person do you always ask them what kind of dog they have and pity them if they don't have one?
Do you remember the name of their dog sooner than you remember their name?
Do you find non-dog people boring?

If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope.
If you answered YES to two, you are in serious trouble.
If you answered YES to three or more, you have come to the right place.

My advice to all of you with three or more YESes is to sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you, and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and good dogs and it will never be boring.

-- Author Unknown