Yes, he's my dog, I named him Spike,
but be careful, stay on your trike.
Spike's angry, so keep far away,
while I try to hold him at bay.
Whoops, Don't pet him or you'll see
my dog's mean and only likes me.
Okay, he likes girls in pink,
but only to bite them, I think.
Hey, your lucky he doesn't bite,
when you pet him but he still might.
That tail wagging is just an act,
Spike's really mean, and that's a fact,
Stop him! You just don't understand
why my dog is licking your hand.
Spike is starved and just tasting you
before he bites your arm in two.
I once had a dog named Fred,
Who got hit by a car and was dead.
My dad had him stuffed,
but it wasn't enough,
I said, "Can't I walk Fred instead?"
So we went to my dad's workshop,
and we put little wheels on his feet.
I rolled Fred out to the school bus stop.
All the kids thought it was neat!
Now wherever I go, it's Fred and me,
just like Mary and her little lamb.
Fred doesn't bark, or eat, or run free,
but he's Fred. What a lucky boy I am!
William Routhier
I woke up this morning
To a loud noise in my yard
Jumped up and grabbed my housecoat
Ran into something hard
I threw open the front door
Ran out to look around
And saw two dogs fighting
There upon the ground
I tried to break them up
But that was my mistake
For how was I to know
My housecoat they would take
I had on no pajamas
Just my jockey underwear
When one went for my backside
He left me standing bare
Now wouldn't you just know it
Life can be so unfair
Just as I lost my modesty
A cop was standing there
Don't hang up 'cause I need bail
I've been here for awhile
And a couple of my cellmates
Have begun to smile
I really don't like the look
They have within their eyes
Hurry up and pay my bail
While I watch these two guys!
Gene Wiginton
11/27/97