by
Jim Mitchell (12/5/95)
(dogshowife@aol.com)
When I come home, my ears take a beating,
Four dogs barking creates quite a greeting.
They're so pleased that I'm back,
Have to pet the whole pack,
Never mind that my absence was fleeting.
After a fun-filled night out with the boys,
I sneak into the house without noise.
But I always get caught,
And I end up distraught,
When I trip on some hidden dog toys.
Dog obedience class can be grueling,
But our four-legged friends need the schooling.
When your words come across,
And they know you're the boss,
They're content to abide by your ruling.
Dedication (of the DSW #1 book to Redje)
Harsh reality's tough to transcend:
My first Cardigan's nearing his end.
Once so fearless and bold,
Now he's feeble and old,
But he still is my best canine friend.
One pro handler was getting his kicks,
Won the show using sly grooming tricks.
All the other dog pros,
Took turns punching his nose,
Need a cleanup outside of Ring Six!
December 1995 - On the Dedication page, under "Thank you for reading
'My Life
With a Dog-Show Wife":
Hope you like the dog stories I'm dishin',
Entertainment's my primary mission.
If I stay in this groove,
And enough folks approve,
Then there might be a second edition.
Harsh reality's tough to transcend:
My first Cardigan's come to his end.
Once so fearless and bold,
He grew feeble and old,
But he still was my best canine friend.
Every April I cry and I weep,
'Cause my income tax bill is so steep.
Though they're revenue hogs,
No deductions for dogs,
Who do nothing but eat, poop and sleep.
As the spring dog-show season draws near,
My wife is a choice volunteer.
Training classes and meetings,
We exchange hasty greetings,
Where did all her free time disappear?
In your mind you must truly believe,
That your dog will perform the retrieve.
Toss that dumbbell and hope,
You don't look like a dope,
In which case, you just shrug, "C'est l'vie!"
From the dog show, you leave in a huff,
When the breed judge you hate calls your bluff.
You've enshrined his foul name,
In your own "Hall of Shame,"
For he claims your dog lacks "the right stuff."
Down at dog class you won't walk on lead.
First you struggled, then whimpered and peed.
Can't you go down and back?
Can't you stand still and stack?
Tell me how much cooked liver you need!
My dog seems so calm and so stable,
'Til the judge wants him up on the table.
Then this cool canine dude,
Comes completely unglued,
Just a quivering mass of red sable.
(alternate, inferior take on #25)
Sure to take home the "Best In Show" label,
'Cause my dog is so calm and so stable.
But this cool canine dude,
Comes completely unglued,
When the judge wants him up on the table.
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