(dogshowife@aol.com)
Though I sense his foreboding and gloom,
My poor dog I'm preparing to groom.
Hard to use scissors,
On a creature that quivers
At the thought of a close brush with doom.
Almost time to go in the breed ring,
Must engage in one last grooming fling.
Thanks to chalk, dye and spray,
My dog WILL have his day,
Since I know that "cosmetic" is king.
At the dog show running inside my brain,
Ten Chihuahuas rode on a Great Dane.
The whole Sporting Group,
Filled their ring up with poop,
While the stewards, wielded shovels, in vain.
My dog shines with a strong, healthy glow,
But one thing that I'm longing to know.
We're so keen on the quest,
Why can't he pass the test?
We're still waiting for his first Best In Show.
So many dogs, so many sizes,
So hard to choose who wins the prizes.
If I were a judge,
I'm quite sure that I'd fudge,
Flip a coin when a problem arises.
Trained my dog for an upcoming trial,
Sits and stays, and we heeled by the mile.
Off lead, in the ring,
He forgot EVERYTHING,
Sat there wearing his best doggy smile.
Trained my dog using liver and cheese,
For each treat, he was eager to please.
In the ring, without bait,
I discovered too late,
That he'd rather just sit and scratch fleas.
My dog is a short-legged wonder,
Master of the obedience blunder.
In my throat there's a lump,
When he does the bar jump,
Odds are good that he'll try to go under.
In my mailbox, they come in large batches,
Ads for dog shows, and puppy fun matches.
My wife loves to go,
We have canine cash flow,
While my jeans are all covered with patches.
My poor wife and her "Champ" "CDX,"
Showed so much they became total wrecks.
When their outlook was black,
They both took a Prozac,
To reduce all the dog show effects.
Every night as I walk down the stair,
There's a dog fast asleep in my chair.
Wish that I could define,
One small spot that is mine,
With a sign reading, "Canines, Beware!"
At the sound of the doorbell, they bark.
So our guests cool their heels in the dark.
While we lay down the word:
Better SEEN and NOT heard,
Or they won't get their walk in the park.
Go to more poems